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Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My heart is in pieces
My best friend's son lost the long battle for his beautiful precious life.TO my best friend in the whole world,I love you and wish I could do anything to take this pain away from you.I wish I could be there to comfort you and help you thru this.
But I cannot so I want you to know I am here for you 24/7 no matter whats going on in my life,I will stop and drop everything for you.
R.I.P. Isaac
But I cannot so I want you to know I am here for you 24/7 no matter whats going on in my life,I will stop and drop everything for you.
R.I.P. Isaac
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Trying to pamper my husband ROFL
This is just another story I found.I did not do this.
I was experimenting on my husband with the NADS wax stuff. Soooo funny! Same thing happened to me! I was waxing his bum and with the NADS (it's a cold wax) I'm not sure if they still sell it or not. But, I ordered it off of the tv.
(gotta love those infomertials)So, I talked him into doin his bum for me. Who would have thought that a bum is a sensitive spot? So, I smoothed it on. It smelled good. And I placed a long strip over it. Then I prepared another strip. I covered his whole bottom and his crack! And then I yanked off the first strip.
This made him scream like a lil girl! He begged me not to do another one. But, after I had my hystarical laughter under control I noticed that it didn't take any hair! So, I talked him into letting me pull off the next strip. I was amazed! It didn't work either.
But, it looked so easy on tv when the woman was doin it to the male models! It had to work! I paid lots of $ for it. So, Before asking I just yanked the next strip. My hubs was so mad. He had tears rolling down both cheeks by now.
And he was ready to throw me off his back and get up. But, I explained that maybe the epil stop and spray that came with the was was a better approach to the situation. So, I grabbed the epil stop and "Scar" I mean spray. and sprayed him down with it. I told him we would just remove the rest of the strips later after we seen what the results were from the spray.
SO, he reluctantly agreed. I guess the epil stop and spray burns the hair off. Your suppost to spray it on and leave it for so many minutes. Like 10 I think... But, after about 4 my hubs was screaming at me to blow on it and here I am lookin like a idiot blowing on his *ss! So, I told him to endure it for just another minute or two while I went to get a rag to wipe it off with. Well, Your suppost to use a dry rag and wipe it away. But, when I wiped it the dry rag got stuck to the wax that was already there from the NADS. And I had to pull it off.
So, then I wet it and tried. No luck. My hubs was screamin at me in something that sounded like chinese and told me he was on fire! I could tell I was in way over my head on this. Glad I tested him out b4 I did myself! So, I tried to wipe it off again with soap and water. All the while he was in serious pain from chemical burns and cold wax. Every touch was torture. But, I couldn't help laugh at the situation! I was horse laughing the whole time I was workin on him! Finally I tried cookin oil,that didn't work, butter, didn't work, A light bulb went off! Skin So Soft oil! Yipee!
It worked like a charm! And after I seen my husbands bum after I got it cleaned off. There were patches of hair gone. I told him I could shave it for him, but he refused. He went to the bathroom and slammed the door! He wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Well, that's why we call it epil stop and "scar" B/c it hurts like crazy and the product was nothing like the easy example they showed on tv. NOTHING!!! So, we never used that again!
I had to share. It was one of the funniest moments of our marriage so far! It's so vivid in our minds even tho it's been a long time ago. I'll never forget it! He won't either!
Oh, And did I mention that I got him some hot rocks to do a message to make up for the whole hair removal thing... I knew that I was suppost to heat the rocks, and use an oil to be able to rub them around on his back. I really felt bad about it and wanted to pamper him! Well, no one told me that I wasn't suppost to boil the rocks in a pot first! I had him get all undressed and I was wearing a sexy nighty and off to heat the rocks I went. I was so proud of what I was doin.
He was gonna get the 5 star treatment from me to make up for all the pain he had gone through! I boiled my rocks and poured the water off. Then I sat on his legs and put the oil on his back he was oooing and ahing about how good it felt. So, here was the big finally, I poured the steaming hot rocks onto his back! He said it ohhh there cold at first! I was like no way they are very hot. Then he let out a squeel and squirmed around knocking me and the rocks off his back! In one big long cuss he told me that I had tryed to pull his skin off, melt it off with chemicals, and now turned a romantic date into a hospital visit with 3 degree burns from hot rocks!
I could see every spot the rocks had touched. They left there shape on his back. It stayed like that for a lil over a week slowly fading away. But, from now on every time I mention about giving him a pampering treatment he tells me HELL NO! He don't want it!!! He says he's gonna get even with me one day. But, who knows? He hasn't yet. It's not like I meant to do it. How else are you suppost to give a hot rock message? I thought they had to be hot. LOL.
I was experimenting on my husband with the NADS wax stuff. Soooo funny! Same thing happened to me! I was waxing his bum and with the NADS (it's a cold wax) I'm not sure if they still sell it or not. But, I ordered it off of the tv.
(gotta love those infomertials)So, I talked him into doin his bum for me. Who would have thought that a bum is a sensitive spot? So, I smoothed it on. It smelled good. And I placed a long strip over it. Then I prepared another strip. I covered his whole bottom and his crack! And then I yanked off the first strip.
This made him scream like a lil girl! He begged me not to do another one. But, after I had my hystarical laughter under control I noticed that it didn't take any hair! So, I talked him into letting me pull off the next strip. I was amazed! It didn't work either.
But, it looked so easy on tv when the woman was doin it to the male models! It had to work! I paid lots of $ for it. So, Before asking I just yanked the next strip. My hubs was so mad. He had tears rolling down both cheeks by now.
And he was ready to throw me off his back and get up. But, I explained that maybe the epil stop and spray that came with the was was a better approach to the situation. So, I grabbed the epil stop and "Scar" I mean spray. and sprayed him down with it. I told him we would just remove the rest of the strips later after we seen what the results were from the spray.
SO, he reluctantly agreed. I guess the epil stop and spray burns the hair off. Your suppost to spray it on and leave it for so many minutes. Like 10 I think... But, after about 4 my hubs was screaming at me to blow on it and here I am lookin like a idiot blowing on his *ss! So, I told him to endure it for just another minute or two while I went to get a rag to wipe it off with. Well, Your suppost to use a dry rag and wipe it away. But, when I wiped it the dry rag got stuck to the wax that was already there from the NADS. And I had to pull it off.
So, then I wet it and tried. No luck. My hubs was screamin at me in something that sounded like chinese and told me he was on fire! I could tell I was in way over my head on this. Glad I tested him out b4 I did myself! So, I tried to wipe it off again with soap and water. All the while he was in serious pain from chemical burns and cold wax. Every touch was torture. But, I couldn't help laugh at the situation! I was horse laughing the whole time I was workin on him! Finally I tried cookin oil,that didn't work, butter, didn't work, A light bulb went off! Skin So Soft oil! Yipee!
It worked like a charm! And after I seen my husbands bum after I got it cleaned off. There were patches of hair gone. I told him I could shave it for him, but he refused. He went to the bathroom and slammed the door! He wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Well, that's why we call it epil stop and "scar" B/c it hurts like crazy and the product was nothing like the easy example they showed on tv. NOTHING!!! So, we never used that again!
I had to share. It was one of the funniest moments of our marriage so far! It's so vivid in our minds even tho it's been a long time ago. I'll never forget it! He won't either!
Oh, And did I mention that I got him some hot rocks to do a message to make up for the whole hair removal thing... I knew that I was suppost to heat the rocks, and use an oil to be able to rub them around on his back. I really felt bad about it and wanted to pamper him! Well, no one told me that I wasn't suppost to boil the rocks in a pot first! I had him get all undressed and I was wearing a sexy nighty and off to heat the rocks I went. I was so proud of what I was doin.
He was gonna get the 5 star treatment from me to make up for all the pain he had gone through! I boiled my rocks and poured the water off. Then I sat on his legs and put the oil on his back he was oooing and ahing about how good it felt. So, here was the big finally, I poured the steaming hot rocks onto his back! He said it ohhh there cold at first! I was like no way they are very hot. Then he let out a squeel and squirmed around knocking me and the rocks off his back! In one big long cuss he told me that I had tryed to pull his skin off, melt it off with chemicals, and now turned a romantic date into a hospital visit with 3 degree burns from hot rocks!
I could see every spot the rocks had touched. They left there shape on his back. It stayed like that for a lil over a week slowly fading away. But, from now on every time I mention about giving him a pampering treatment he tells me HELL NO! He don't want it!!! He says he's gonna get even with me one day. But, who knows? He hasn't yet. It's not like I meant to do it. How else are you suppost to give a hot rock message? I thought they had to be hot. LOL.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Wonderful humor for us ladies
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch...
I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I
make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get theurge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who
had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not
working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove theexcess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!"
"It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch...
I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I
make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get theurge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who
had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not
working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove theexcess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!"
"It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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